We got my son a Mother Goose talking cassette player for Christmas (back in the day).  It was pretty cool, it would move and the cassettes would play from inside Mother Goose like she was reading the story.  Anyway, a couple days after Christmas…

Son: “Mom, I want joooze.”

Me: “Joooze?  Do you want to put on your shoes?”

Son: “No, joooze.”

Me: (clearly understanding) “Ohhh, you want me to get Mother Goose.”

Son: “NO!  Mom I want JOOOZE!  You know, in the jigerater.”

Submitted by: Esther

My high schooler came home from school a couple weeks ago and asked in all seriousness, “So it’s actually Joan of Arc?  I always thought it was Jona Vark.”

Submitted by: Molly

My son, Chad, threw a fit one night when we sat down for dinner.

Chad: “We always have chicken for dinner!”

Me: “Chad, these are pork chops.”

Chad: “Right!  We always have chicken.  Pork chop chicken, steak chicken, ham chicken, chicken chicken, it’s always chicken!”

Apparently we had meat for dinner pretty often.

Submitted by: Esther

After my kids soccer game, we were walking to the car to drive home.  He was breathing pretty hard so I said…

Me: “Well you look like you are out of breath.”

Son: “No, I have more.”

Submitted by: Cara

My 4 year old son loves to sing, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.  I can see all the popsicles in my way.”  I giggle every time.

Submitted by: Ruthanne

I was talking to a little girl in my Sunday school class.

Me: “So what did you do yesterday, what happened?”

Her: “We walked to the playground and played for a long time, and then came home.  And then my parents were in the kitchen and started arguing.  Then I heard my mom say ‘you better watch it.’ ”

Me: ” ‘You better watch it?’ Watch what?”

Her: “That’s what I wondered.  I think she was talking about American Idol because we like watching that show.”

Submitted by: James

I asked my 3 year old girl how her father knew the genders of the baby kittens.  She replied, “Daddy just picked them up and looked underneath.  I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

Submitted by: Amy

All of my family was gathered together for Thanksgiving dinner.  My cousin’s wife is a vegetarian but my cousin himself is not.  So their 3 year old son Colin is sort of in limbo.

Colin: “Can I have more ham?”

Dad: “Sure.”

Mom: “Would you like some more green beans?”

Colin: “No, ham.”

Mom: “How about some salad?”

Colin: “No!”

Mom: “Pumpkin pie?”

Colin: (Slowly and clearly) “No, please can I have JUST ham?”

Dad: “That’s my boy.”

Submitted by: Chad (admin)

I teach high school math and last week my students were working on a worksheet.  I heard Luis ask another student…

Luis: “Is number 3 True?”

Other Student: “No.”

Luis: “Well, what did you get then?”

It made me laugh, so I wrote it on the board as funny quote of the week.

Submitted by: Emily

When we brought our second daughter home from the hospital, her four older brothers were showing her as much love and attention as you might expect.  Meanwhile my first daughter, then 2 years old, softly declared “I’m here” from behind everyone.  I looked over toward her to see her sitting alone clearly disappointed in the lack of attention.  Whenever I think about that I end up laughing.

Submitted by: Ellen